The “P” word

This particular topic has been churning in my head for many months, likely years.

It's the word that many people (often visitors) use in a sentence to describe Hawaii, as in

“Hawaii is P-r-d-s-.”

Every time I hear that, I shudder. I compare it to when people call San Francisco “Francisco” without the “anc” – I can't even write THAT down, it's so objectionable to me (it rhymes with a particular type of vegetable shortening, if you need help on this one). I've always advised, “If you don't want to say the entire two words, just call SF “the City.”

The “P” word is too loaded, misused and overused – it also has too many religious overtones.

But why is Hawaii considered a P——-?

Is it the weather? The beaches? The mountains? The tropical fruit? Is an average 75-degree sandy, palm-tree jungle the epitome of what everyone envisions as the ideal place to live on this planet, or the mythical place to “live” when one dies?

I'm strange. I like cold weather. In the words of Rhoda Morgenstern from the old Mary Tyler Moore show “I moved to Minneaspolis because I figured I'd keep better.” Uh-huh.

The newly landed gentry (“new island residents”)  use the P word a lot in conversations, as do quite a few of the state's 6 million visitors each year. When they find out I'm a resident, they get this moony look on their faces and ask “What's it like to live in P——–?”

I try to be nice. Yes, I really try, because they are sincere and honest with this question, no matter how distasteful I find it. These folks often hail from places I'd love to visit and maybe live for a year or two – London, Amsterdam, New York City, Seattle, Minneapolis. Places where you can find plenty of P examples.

I explain to them gently. “Paradise” (arrgh, I've written it!) to me anyway, is not a specific place on the planet, but rather a state of mind. I believe that San Francisco is ideal in many ways. One could call it a paradise too. I loved living there, and wouldn't mind living there again. I think Boston is a really neat place. There's so much going on there. Lots to do in New York City too.”

Calling one place a “paradise” in an insult to the cities, towns, villages, and hamlets of in the rest of the world. As if Hawaii is any better than other places.

No, it's not.

“Paradise” is where you are the happiest at this moment of your life right now. Needs change as you get older. Your priorities change. Tastes change. What you want from life now is probably radically different than what you wanted 5 years ago, 15 years ago. People who live in rural areas may relocate to cities. People who live in cities may relocate to rural areas. I lived on the Big Island for 10 years, and saw this a lot. Parts of your life slow down, while other parts speed up.

Here's a quick “What I like, and what I don't like” about O'ahu:

Nine things I love about O'ahu.

1. the guy I'm involved with lives here
2. an eclectic circle of friends
3. clean water
4. clean air
5. access to fresh healthy food
6. my colleagues at work
7. the view from our house
8. a very enviable commute
9 an 8-minute walk to a beautiful ridge behind our house where I can walk for hours in the  jungle

Eight things I don't like about O'ahu:

1. the drivers
2. the noise – geez, this is a NOISY place!
3. road conditions – for a city this size, the roads are deplorable
4. the lack of true cultural and ethnic diversity (few Jews, South Americans, Eastern Europeans, North Africans, African Americans, Indians)
5. provincial local cultural attitudes about  sexuality
6. American Idol participants, the Lost TV show being filmed here, and Dog Chapman are considered the best Hawaii has to offer, because they're always being talked about in local newspapers, speaking of which
7. there are no good local newspapers here
8. and no good radio or TV stations (excluding Hawaii Public Radio/National Public Radio and KTUH (the University of Hawaii radio station)

So there you have it.

But you choose what you want out of life – no one place offers everything.

So you enjoy the positives, and deal with the negatives.

Paradise is in your mind.